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rosetyler42 · 3 months ago

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Some Ericka + Moon fun! While I agree with alot of @lovelylivelyv 's sentiment on Moon's character being handled badly, I can't really hate Moon. She had the potential to be a good character, she was just poorly handled. Alot of this came out of that since Ericka was in a similar situation once and prefers to teach others and convince them to do better than fight them.

That is, if she thinks they'll listen.

1. Despite Ericka's issues with the Magic High Commission (...Mostly Rhombulus and Heckapoo) and Mina, I think Ericka woukdn'r have a problem with Moon. Moon's alot more reachable than the others and I think Ericka'd ultimately empathize. After all, she was in a similar situation. The only problem (Besides the Star and Eclipsa-like clash between Ericka's more bouncy, crazy, free-spirited and optimistic nature and skewed morals and Moon's much more uptight, reserved, and straight-laced one) is Ericka DOES agree that working with Mina behind Star and Eclipsa's back was a stupid thing to do and a breach of trust. Even if she doesn't judge all that harshly for it. ("I mean, not only did I date a guy while trying to kill him, I ran a whole monster cruise death trap and knowingly helped my Great-Grandfather retrieve a magical weapon of mass destruction. I am the LAST one who should be judging here.")

2. Here's an idea I've had for a while: I feel like Ericka and Moon have completely different reactions when it comes to seeing what the other side thinks of them. While Moon takes things seriously and personally, getting offended and trying to correct with her OWN misconceptions, Ericka ENJOYS any opportunity to see things from the other side after a lifetime of only learning from Great-Grandfather and finds the fact monsters had silly misconceptions of their own about humans funny and almost adorable compared to her own. She forgives and forgets far more easily than Moon and can even laugh at the monsters' dark humor and join in with her own jokes about the past...something that drives the much more uptight, serious ex-Queen up the wall.

It's fun playing with the clashes between these two. While Ericka's willing to easily forgive Moon for her mistakes and past views of monsters since she sees hope for Moon to do better, she can't help but enjoy how easy it is to play with the much more straight-laced women's head a little. Even with their difference in rank and power. Perhaps it's Ericka's way of trying to get her to lighten up, her seeing some of her old self, Great-Grandfather, or even Drac in the other woman, or it's merely Ericka's mischievious "I will cause problems on purpose" side coming out. Who can say?

And Moon, while she can't help but like the charming, friendly woman that oddly reminds her of her own daughter (they even relate to eachother on many things, including parenthood, being one of the leaders of their community, and having been an accomplice to Genocide once); she finds her VERY odd and at times talking to her is like dealing with Eclipsa, Mina, and Star all at once...with the challenge of Ericka KNOWS full well what she does drives Moon nuts and enjoys it immensely.

Basically, Ericka enjoys bending or breaking MANY of the rules Moon has spent her whole life upholding. She lives by her OWN rules, and it causes clashes between the two.

Bonus that didn't make it due to space:

Moon: You...What do you MEAN you find all this... FUNNY?

Ericka: Mmmm, Sounds like SOMEONE still has hate they haven't let go of yet. Not to mention some control issues. C'mon, Moon. Even YOU have to admit the irony of them being just as scared of us as we are of them is atleast a LITTLE BIT funny!

Note: Yes, Ericka copying Drac's "When will you Van Helsings learn to let go of the hate?" Pose and phrase was 100% intentional.

I strongly associate these 2 with "What I know Now" from Beetlejuice since Ericka not only had been an accomplice to Monster Genocide who learned she was wrong about Monsters and made a heel-face turn (but betrayed someone she loved in the process and nearly ended up dead because of it,) but she grew up trying to live up to the rigid, serious rules and expectations of being a Van Helsing and ultimately rejected them in favor of making her own future. So "If I knew then what I know now" is both her trying to tell Moon what she learned about Monsters and taking rules and life seriously.

@lovelylivelyv @black-ak9 @hotelt-resurrection @serial-serializednovelreader @deathfangirl9 @wingingfromthezing @heartsong1994 @ebevkisk @kittyball23

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ruminate88 · 11 months ago

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Hi! I'm trying to learn how to be a better person and I've been reading your blog since I found it. I'm sorry for what you went through. I hope you get better soon. I know it's cliche to say you're not alone, but you are probably feeling like you are because narcissistic abuse includes being isolated--by being manipulated or being forced to isolate yourself. It's a very slow healing process like an amputated limb, but it WILL get better as you find peace.

Can you maybe make a post with a list of all the bad things narcs have done to you? I think listing helps.

I appreciate you reading my blog if this is all for you, I’m glad I created it. I wanted to help at least one person see a light at the end of their tunnel. Thank you for the kind words I know I’m not completely alone, I pray to God everyday and believe he hears my cries and cares but physically, yes, I don’t talk to family or friends about any of this, I stay to myself, as I’ve been ashamed and unsure if they would be able to understand all I went through and obviously not to upset family.

I can only tell you I’ve felt like a broken/bad person many of days and I don’t take all the credit in healing myself, I believe God has done most of the work. The best choice I ever made was to admit I failed my life and myself. To ask God to change me and change the direction of my life because I was totally lost not knowing what I needed or wanted!! Nothing had been working for me and I was in the vicious cycle of dating manipulating/controlling men. I HAD to make a change or I was going to hurt myself. I felt like a piece of garage that my exes threw away. 😔😔😔

Things that was hardest about narcissistic abuse:

• You don’t recognize the isolation until you’re out of the relationship with the narcissist. You’re so desperate; worried about pleasing them and making them not upset with you, you spend all your time away from people who actually care about you. Memories of those times makes me so sad to this day.

• The love-bomb phase although it appeared wonderful and my exes were paying me so much attention, I think that phase was the most sickening and disturbing phase. They literally pretend to be the “partner of your dreams” while they’re deceiving you so they can use you and control you. I had been unstable already within my mental health so I was an easy target for them to trick me. My ex Andrew told me, “I mean it with all my heart and soul that I love you and want you to text me” even though he had went no contact from me a whole week prior. Him saying such a great statement kept me pulled in to his toxic pool and I kept on drowning in it.

• so I dealt with 3 narcissists but the 2nd one, Cody, he dumped me twice but the 2nd time he did it by ghosting me. I’m not trying to be dramatic when I say it was very traumatizing… Considering you’re in trauma bond with this person. They create a false narrative that you’re both so obsessed with each other and you believe the feelings are reciprocated but they’re not!! The narcissistic relationship is extremely one-sided. So him ghosting me, he not only made me so attached and crazy about the fairytale love he made up with me but then to just ghost me and rip it all away, took my spirit at that time. I was a dead person walking after that. I saw almost NO hope for me. Then to meet Andrew not even 6 months after and I begged Andrew pleeeease don’t hurt me like Cody did but Andrew couldn’t help who he is. 💔🖤

• Another scar I have had to overcome is after I broke up with Andrew, we continued to flirt and sext a lot but then started to argue a lot. (He would claim he missed sexting me but then blame me and say I was making him wanna sext that I didn’t respect the breakup) Arguing through text is always rough because words can be misconstrued. (I couldn’t hardly get him on the phone ever to actually talk. He only wanted to text.) Andrew said very hurtful things to me. He kept changing “our story” because he couldn’t be honest with himself or take accountability for the fact he was in a real relationship with me for a year. He told me “He pretended all this feelings to just lead me on” but then quickly changed his story again to say “he was in love with me but fell out of love with me and was afraid to tell me” but the biggest slap in my face was eventually he exclaimed, “If I’m hurting you so much then just stop caring about me.” 😭 (as if I could just undo the attachment he allowed me to make with him. The many months he got my hopes up with future faking plus the promises he gave to me that I held onto but he couldn’t take accountability for anything he had done to me or with me.

• Eventually during the many arguments I had with Andrew, I hit my breaking point and had a suicide attack!! I let him know right away I was done fighting and didn’t see how I could continue on with him. I told him I wanted to end my life and then flipped a switch and pretended to be scared for me and pretended to “rescue me” blew up my phone begging me to stay and saying he’s sorry to have said what he said in our arguments. I wanted to believe him so bad. Whenever the attack subsided hours later and I was able to calmly reply to his countless pleas for me to stay, he pretended to have been so “worried about me” but then explained he believed “I wasn’t well and needed to get professional help.” He made me believe I was messed up and had so many issues…. Now I finally look back and think that was a form of gaslighting. He found something he could use to make me look like a problem and it deflected the focus off of him being a cheater and a liar. (He had a new girlfriend already) That whole situation caused me so much anger that I never saw till years later when I am now healing, I realize I had all that anger to deal with. It was uncomfortable!

• Always being nervous with their reactions and consistenly apologizing for them, as they make you to believe everything is your fault. They don’t like when you speak up against their actions and behaviors. 3 times I tried to confront Andrew as he would ignore me 2/3 days at a time but then always come back and treat me like I was his baby and he wanted me. Those 3 times I would ask if he’s too busy for us, does he want to break up and just be friends but he would always get so defensive and act upset like I was causing him so much stress. It would always end with me being sorry and telling him how much I adore him and I would kiss his feet like he was a king and he would then say the most romantic things to me and say how beautiful I was BUT I always knew in the back of my mind he was cheating and hiding stuff from me but I was scared to admit it out loud and “lose him.” My friends would tell me what a loser he was that I should leave him but I would get so upset and push my friends away. Andrew was barely there for me but I was 110% faithful to him.

• Seeking their approval was super exhausting too and it’s taken me years to relax and be comfortable within my skin. Andrew and Cody both gave me so little but they took everything from me. I was pathetic in sitting next to my phone 24/7 begging Andrew to text me and pay me attention because when he did, it was always “hey babe I missed you” and he would Snapchat me selfies and I would melt at his sparklingly blue eyes yet they were fake. Truly his eyes are black!!! I would cry for days with my phone and stalk Andrew’s social media pages hoping I don’t find other women and I could never find proof he was cheating. When Andrew would finally text me back or Snapchat me, I didn’t want him to leave again so I was throwing myself at him!! 🥴🥴🥴 I would dress up with all the makeup and sometimes no clothes on hoping to make him wanna stay and he would tell me how much I turned him on how he wanted me but didn’t wanna tell our parents about our relationship… (I just knew he was hiding things and other girls but I would not admit it for months)

They make holidays miserable 😩 •Halloween - Andrew said he was going to a party, didn’t invite me and I didn’t hear from him again till the next day. (Cheating)

• Thanksgiving, didn’t hear from Andrew at all till later that night and he was out “Black Friday shopping” and treating me like some random person he’s texting. I spent that whole day isolated during my family dinner. I had my phone on a charger in the wall and spent hours trying to type a long text message to tell him how bothered I was with his “hot and cold” behavior but every time I wanted to send it to him, I was scared he would dump me and I kept erasing my message and retyping it. People kept asking “you okay??” And I pretended I was fine. He stole that thanksgiving away from me!! (Mind you any regular day Andrew would text me just fine it was only holidays he ruined)

• Christmas - sucked!!!! No good morning babe or merry Christmas from Andrew till really late when the day is almost over. I yet again was isolating myself during family time. Stayed in my bedroom so sad why my “boyfriend” hadn’t texted me alllll day. When he did finally text, I confronted his absense and he exclaimed “he wasn’t worthy of my love” and “he wasn’t good enough for me.” I thought he was breaking up with me and I cried so hard. He swore that he wasn’t breaking up but that he believed I deserved better than him and he could never be enough for me. It was so confusing and I was actually happy when the day ended because it just sucked so much 😣

• Valentine’s Day - Was the worst one. Andrew was different the whole month of January prior. He was the best boyfriend daily talking sweet to me and showing me “affection” and selfies galore but on Valentine’s Day it felt so forced with him. I begged him would he send me a video of himself saying “I love you” and he did!!! It just all felt off. Then later that night. He was super cold. I asked him “what are your plans tonight??” He said “I never get time to myself, I’m always studying, doing homework or spending time with you.” 🥺 ouch!!! He said he just wanted to play video games and relax…. He continued to snap me some but I felt he didn’t really want to. He took time in between each response, leaving me to sit on my phone all night wishing things were better. He flirted some but that was it. I was in bed disappointed he chose video games over me on valentines day and at some point he never responded back!! I sat up till 3am letting tears fall as I gazed at Snapchat seeeing he still never opened my message… the thing with him is usually if he felt “sick” he would text me about it. So next morning he messaged me first goood morning and asked how I slept. I told him I waited up till 3am for him to respond!! THEN Andrew said “I didn’t sleep at all. I was up sick to my stomach all night”…. What?!! I knew he was lying. 😔 I asked him why didn’t he tell me he got sick and he said because he it was his stomach and he was embarrassed to say he was in the bathroom… haha (the man sent me nude selfies from his shower almost daily. He’s not embarrassed easily.)

I know this is a lot but I am finally at a place where I believe I experienced all of this so that I can better understand and relate to other people. All the anger and bitterness I had from both my exes was hard but gave me tough skin. All the nights and days I didn’t sleep worried if I was impressing them. They never deserved me to impress them but I can’t help but think maybe a small part of me touched their lives but maybe that’s just hopeful thinking. I hate to call them monsters, it makes me feel bad but I can’t hide the fact they hurt me soooooo deep. ❤️‍🩹🖤

(The list of things I endured from both Cody and Andrew could go on for many chapters. I chose the moments that I felt affected me the most)

You said it right!!! It’s exactly like a limb that needs healing. It’s every part of me. Years after I got away from Andrew, I started to randomly lose all the weight I couldn’t before. I lost a lot of hair too and I was so defensive in my marriage. My husband could say the littlest thing to trigger me and I instantly wanted to be so upset and hold everything inside to avoid any conflict. I hate confrontation it didn’t always go so easy with Andrew or Cody. It’s scary to wonder how my husband would react. Would he be different from those men?

I blocked Andrew’s number in 2015 and I didn’t learn about narcissism until 2022!!! That’s a long time that I searched for answers and I struggled in my marriage because I’ve kept a guard up scared to face anymore humiliation or disappointment in my life. Now that I understand a little more about what emotional abuse is, I began to feel everything and make more sense of it. I now see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’ve worked so hard on getting my hair back and getting my gut health under control. I’m spending so much time with family and I stand up for myself more!!!! I believe there is much purpose in all the suffering I faced with the narcissists. (There just has to be) I believe all of it made me a stronger person!! Do I “miss” the false faces and the love bomb phase?? It’s addicting more than it is “missing them”. I don’t know the real Andrew or Cody. Last time I tried to Google cody, I felt like he was sooo different it bothered me so much. I basically had a one-sided relationship with total strangers who hated my guts but pretended to be in love with me… they haunt me every day but I refuse to ever reach out to them and I do try to pray for them every time I feel upset about them. What else can I do?? It’s all over! They can’t change what they did to me and I can’t make them say sorry. If God doesn’t change them, they’re never going to feel empathy for the broken heart they gave me but God is showing me love I never saw ever before. So is my husband. I’m learning just now to finally trust both God and my husband!! (Taking deep breaths because I’m safe now) I’m only looking up now! I’ve already hit my rock bottom! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Hope this is all enlightening, encouraging and helpful! Thank you again for taking time to message me!! 🥰

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